As fifth grade eventually turned to sixth, and I became older, the time of Bar Mitzvah began to approach. I had been raised in a mostly agnostic manner, and had never even been to synagogue, so the concept of the Bar Mitzvah was foreign to me. I began to think deeper on religious matters, and began to believe more and more in the concept of a God. I asked my parents, who said they would support anything I wanted to believe and follow. Asked what God was, they gave a definition very much like Aristotle’s unmoved mover, a perfect being with omnipotence and omniscience. I found this idea very appealing, and so began my belief in God. Still, I never really had a Bar Mitzvah (mainly from lack of trying, but I can always bring up that we didn’t really belong to a temple if anyone starts asking questions).
Another thing that happened around this time was the death of one of my two grandfathers. I will have to admit that I favored him more than my other grandfather, so his death was very shocking to me. Previously, I had never really considered the concept of death seriously; it had been so far off. Now, death took the stage, front and center, and forced me to think about it. At the time, the prospect was very frightening. I was very troubled by the loss of my grandfather, so the possible (and inevitable) loss of my parents frightened me even more. I know I began to have a number of restless nights fraught with frightening thoughts around this time. If only I had been so wise as I am now (I’m not wise now, but it sounds good). Now, I more readily understand and accept death as a part (ironically enough) of life. Had I been more like a Taoist at the time of my grandfather’s death, it might not have bothered me as much because I could have accepted it as part of nature.
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